Scream Queens

Why I Won’t be Recapping Scream Queens

So I tried to watch the series premier of  “Scream Queens” on Fox. The basic premise is that  in 1995, a horrible attack on the leader of the Kappa Kappa Tau sorority occured. A spray tanning session went horribly wrong when instead of spray tan, she was covered with hydrochloric acid.

Melanie

Twenty years later, someone is out for revenge – let the killings begin!

Kappa Wall

I was excited when I learned that THE scream queen herself, Jamie Lee Curtis, was going to be in this. I was intrigued when I learned that Emma Roberts was going to be the lead. I was feeling good about the whole cast list in general, with the exception of Ariana Grande (um… girl can sing, but I dunno if she can act yet) and Nick Jonas (really? Really, Murphy and Falchuck?).

collage scream queens

I wanted to like this. I really did. I realize that this series is supposed to be a send-up of the whole teen slasher genre, and it’s supposed to satirize the whole pop culture horror world of tropes – but maybe this time, they tried too hard to do too much. Perhaps my expectations were too high, and I probably got spoiled by “Glee” and “American Horror Story.” The little bit of “Scream Queens” that I managed to sit through was just… bad.

Chanel bitch

Sadly, I couldn’t take more than the first half hour or so before pausing it to look up other reviews. The first five reviews that I read didn’t do much to give me hope, and all of those pretty much summed up my opinion of the show to the point where I was at with watching it. And it seemed that this was as far as the other reviewers got with it as well, judging from the lack of spoilers.

I kept looking for reviews that would give me hope for this, but even the positive reviews that I saw weren’t all THAT positive. I ended up not watching the rest of the premiere.

My take-away from the half hour or so that I managed to watch is this: the show will most likely appeal to any fictional cheerleader character from every teen slasher movie ever produced, and every movie in the “Bring It On” franchise. It will appeal to fans of “Clueless,” “Legally Blonde,” and “10 Things I Hate About You.” If you liked Tara Reid in “House of Wax,” you will probably like this.

Emma Roberts bubble gum

Raven Knighte
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Raven Knighte is addicted to cheese and popsicles. Her favorite pastime is proving not only that it can’t rain all the time, but also that it actually can’t rain at all, by refusing to believe that rain exists. Her favorite quote is the letter that Brian wrote and reads at the end of the movie “The Breakfast Club,” because all five of those characters from the movie live in her head. She bathes in pixiedust daily, feeds clocks to crocodiles, and fights pirates. She has been known to take to the skies and crow loudly on occasion.

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