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The Top Ten Lucha Underground Wrestlers of All Time Based on Assets

Recently a new wrestling promotion has completely taken the professional wrestling fandom by storm. Bringing together a wide array of talent scouted from other wrestling promotions like AAA (Asistencia Asesoria y Administracion) and New Japan Pro Wrestling, Lucha Underground has managed to create a formidable roster in a relatively short amount of time. The unique lineup, including megastar wrestlers, as well as indie legends acting under new stage names, gained Lucha Underground a dedicated fan-following in almost no time at all.

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There so no doubt that each wrestler on the impressive roster of almost fifty different athletes brings to the promotion their own flavor and styles, and it makes it almost impossible to rank wrestlers like Sexy Star and Mil Muertes on the same scale. There is, however, one scale upon which all wrestlers can be measured, and that would be the unique asset that all wrestlers bring to the ring each time they fight, whether they have been performing for decades or only months.

In this manner, today we have ranked the top ten Lucha Underground Wrestlers according to their assets.

 

10: Angélico

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Angélico is a relative newcomer compared to many of the wrestlers on this list, he began wrestling in 2007 with Pro Wrestling Alliance: Africa, before moving through several promotions on his way to AAA, and then of course Lucha Underground, where he debuted in a 4-way elimination match against Argenis, Aero Star, and Cage.

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While Angélico’s assets may not match up perfectly alongside some of the more polished performers that he works alongside, there is a huge amount of room for growth in this area. His assets take what Redbook would probably call the Square, or “H” shape, with some well-rounded firmness along the edges, though ultimately falls flat where it counts. Overall, Angélico is a fitting beginning to this list, easily earning his old nickname “The Spanish Heartthrob.” (I mean, something’s throbbing.)

 

9. Son of Havoc

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Son of Havoc, known as Matt Cross outside of Lucha Underground, has been wrestling since his debut with Extreme Championship Wrestling in 1999. His career has carried him through the independent circuit, including Chikara, Ring of Honor, a brief stint at the WWE, and finally in his home in the Lucha Underground Temple.

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Where Angélico’s H-Shaped assets lie flat, Son of Havoc’s burst out into a shapely roundness that is refreshing to the tired wrestling fan’s eyes. A smooth curve accentuates what could otherwise be a shapeless plane, drawing the line of sight from his talent in the ring to the striking quality of his assets.

 

8. King Cuerno

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Known throughout Mexico as El Hijo del Fantasma, our eighth entry into this list debuted in 2000 through International Wrestling Revolution Group. The actual son of the luchador El Fantasma, he wrestled with CMLL and AAA as El Hijo deal Fantasma before joining Lucha Underground as King Cuerno. In Lucha Underground, King Cuerno strikes down his opponents using his signature move, Topé suicida, also called The Arrow from the Depths of Hell.

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While King Cuerno’s assets do not slope outward to greet the hungry eyes of his fans, they appear to be distinctly firm, betraying the muscular build that has guided him to so many victories in the ring. If the Son of Havoc’s assets could be described as the sloping hills of the New Zealand countryside, King Cuerno’s would be the rolling plains of the Serengeti, while each wrestlers’ assets are decidedly different from one another, they both bring to the ring a special kind of serenity when watched in motion.

 

7. Drago

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While Victor Manuel Soto Flores has been wrestling under as the enmascarado Drago since 2011, he has been an active wrestler since his original debut with AAA in 1998 as Morfo. He underwent a number of gimmick and name changes, spending time as Jimmy Boy, and then Alan of Los Barrio Boys, and in 2008 as El Gato Eveready. As Drago, Soto has wrested in AAA, All Japan Pro Wrestling, and beginning in 2014 with Lucha Underground.

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Drago almost slipped off the list due to the fact that it is nearly impossible for the average wrestling fan to pull their eyes away from his intricate costumes and bloody dragon tongue to take a scant glance at the quality of his assets. However, his assets do not disappoint. A firm line connects his muscular hips to firm thighs, a shapely asset rises between, drawing the eye through his shimmering costumes.

 

6. Dragon Azteca Jr

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Beginning his career in 2007, this wrestler operated initially under the name El Hijo de Rey Misterio, the second wrestler to go by that name. When the original El Hijo de Rey Misterio returned to wrestling, our sixth entry changed his name to Rey Horus, before settling with the name Dragon Azteca Jr when he joined the cast and crew of Lucha Underground in 2016. While Dragon Azteca Jr is a relative newcomer, he was trained by the legendary Rey Misterio Sr, giving him a stellar pedigree in the wrestling world.

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Bearing the deceptively tight and round assets of a much younger wrestler, Dragon Azteca Jr swings into the number six slot despite his only recent debut with Lucha Underground. Curving off of a thin and lithe frame, Azteca’s assets lead from a tightly muscled torso into compact legs. His assets belie his compact frame, together making him a skilled technical wrestler and a promising addition to the Lucha Underground roster.

 

5. Fénix

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Initially our fifth entry began his operations in 2005, wrestling under the name Máscara Oriental on the Mexican Independent circuit, before renaming himself Fénix for his debut with AAA in 2011. In 2014 Fénix joined the Lucha Underground roster for the first season, and immediately became an indispensable character in the overarching storyline of the promotion.

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Fénix’s assets are showcased brilliantly on his compact frame, rising from a body that was build and trained to achieve the high spots and flight that few other wrestlers can showcase with the amount of skill that Fénix brings to the ring. Firm and rounded and the top, Fénix’s assets perfectly encapsulate an “Inverted V shape,” a phrase I saw used in a “women’s magazine” one time in line at the grocery store. While Fénix using his upper body strength to propel himself around the ring with the power and dexterity of a wild animal, he clearly stores enough latent strength in his assets to bring any other wrestler to their knees if need be.

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4. Pentagón Jr

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The real life brother of Fénix, our fourth entry began wrestling under the name Dark Dragon through AAA in 2010, though shortly after his first match against Fénix he changed his name to Pentagón Jr, the personality that would carry through when he joined the Lucha Underground roster in 2014. While he was defeated by Fénix in his first match with Lucha Underground, Pentagón Jr shows no fear when it comes to his ability to best his younger brother where their assets are involved.

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Despite the fact that Pentagón Jr seems to try to hide the quality of his assets under thicker and more billowy fabric than the varieties worn by some of his comrades in arms, his assets often come into display when he uses signature moves like the double knee backbreaker, and the flip piledriver, it is during feats like these that the fabric stretches just enough to reveal to the audience the shape and quality of the assets with which Pentagón Jr is operating.

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3. Texano

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Son of El Texano, El Texano Jr began his career in the independent circuit in 1999, before moving up to CMLL in 2003, followed by AAA in 2011. When he joined Lucha Underground for the 2015 season, El Texano Jr changed his name to simply Texano.

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Unlike the frames of some of the previous wrestlers on this list, Texano’s assets round out a full-figured body. With thick thighs that could probably crack walnuts, or whatever it is muscular guys do with their thighs, Texano’s assets practically bulge out of his shiny briefs, a rounded totem of masculinity that could draw the attentions of wrestling fans from all over the world.

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2. Rey Mysterio Jr

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Rey Mysterio Jr is no stranger to the limelight, and no stranger to wrestling fans all over the world for the last twenty-four years. He captured the attentions of fans when he began wrestling with AAA in 1992, though his debut was actually in 1989 when he was only a spry fourteen year old, trained by his uncle Rey Misterio Sr. In 1996 Rey Mysterio made a huge impact on wrestling fans in the United States when he began wrestling for WCW, and he very quickly had garnered a gigantic fan following as the leader of their new Cruiserweight Division. After returning to AAA for a short stint in 2015, Rey Mysterio shocked his fans worldwide when he left AAA for the second time and signed with Lucha Underground at the end of 2015.

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Rey Mysterio’s assets are no lie, his body is a finely tuned machine build by a lifetime of wrestling in the high-flying Lucha Libre wrestling styles. If this was a lifetime examination of Rey Mysterio’s assets he could likely take the whole of the Lucha Underground roster by storm, however for the sake of both brevity and fairness, the focus will be placed only on his time with Lucha Underground, which at this time leaves a small amount of matches which can be picked apart for evidence of the supreme greatness of his assets. While Rey Mysterio began his wrestling career in the Cruiserweight Division, by the mid 2000’s he had become the World Heavyweight Champion, and his assets had evolved to match his new title. Daddy Rey’s assets are the perfect round shape, firm in appearance despite his insistence on hiding them in pleather pants. Whether he is flying from the top rope with a diving hurricanrana, or executing a perfect springboard moonsault, there are a number of times when Rey Mysterio’s assets are put on display to the watchful eyes of the fans in the crowd, and they have never once disappointed.

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1. Prince Puma

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Beginning his career in 2006 with Chikara, the number one victor in this contest of assets and quality has wrestled with a staggering number of promotions, including Dragon Gate, New Japan Pro, and of course in Lucha Underground since 2015. Outside of Lucha Underground, our number one favourite wrestles as Ricochet, though in the temple he is known only as the masked Prince Puma.

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The perfect roundness of Prince Puma’s assets are one of the first things to capture the eyes of many fans, two pristine orbs perched on top of delicately muscled legs, leading into a finely tuned torso. Yes, readers, all along this list has been about butts, and there are no buts about it: Prince Puma has the absolute best one. An artistically rounded pair of cheeks that could as easily inspire the Black Eyed Peas as it could lead him to victory over any other wrestler, showcased every time he wins a new title belt, with every Vertigo and 630° Senton. Prince Puma has the undisputed best assets in all of Lucha Underground, quite possibly in all of the currently performing wrestling promotions, nay, in all of the world.

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Well, readers, did those booties have you like what? Or was this exhaustive list a total waste of your time? Did we miss some spectacular assets from the Lucha Underground roster, or do you just want to talk about butts some more? Hit us up in the comments and keep the discussion going!

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Luke Farr
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Excessively hoarding tumblrs, Luke Farr, sometimes called Horatio, lives in a twilight world of overcaffeination, Star Wars, and Pokemon. Curator of the world's largest Mewtwo collection, and owner of more than two pairs of pants, Luke is more of an adult cat than an adult human being. You can find Luke reposting complete trash at any of the following tumblrs: StargateSGForever, Reliquary-150, CookieCatLeftHisFamilyBehind, ItsaMeMulder, HoratioLikesToys, MayorofTattooine, FuckYeahEventHorizon, or MoreLikeCoelacan.

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