Nerd On – The Theme From the Ace of Geeks

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If you’ve listened to any of the episode of The Ace of Geeks Podcast since the site launch, you’ve heard our epic new theme song by the awesome guys at Kessel Run. Now they’ve released a full version for your listening and purchasing pleasure, and you should check it out right now! We’re so thankful to them for capturing the feel of the Ace of Geeks so damn well. Continue reading

AOG Podcast Episode 147: Celebrate Star Wars!

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Episode 147
This week, Kevin Custer joins Mike and Jarys to break down Star Wars Celebration! We’ll discuss the new Jurassic World trailer, and then go straight into what we saw at the convention, including Rogue One, a breakdown of the brand new Force Awakens trailer, whether Palpatine is pure evil or has more depth than that, and end with a spirited debate on whether Jar Jar Binks is responsible for the destruction of the Second Death Star!

The Aftermath of the Ace of Greeks Food Truck Invasion

Hey guys, Mike here.

Sorry I’ve been out of the loop all day. Jarys had be locked in my office, while they tried to convince me that partnering with a food truck was doing what was “best for business.” Thankfully, Raven managed to discover Shucky, the golem I secretly bought years ago on the black market in case Jarys ever needed to be stopped. He’s one of many last-ditch emergency measures that I have in place in case any of my staff goes Rogue. Did you know, for example, that Mae Linh can be defeated by a picture of a small cat, asleep on a bookshelf?

In addition, Kyle can be defeated with the application of a single sentence of logic. It’s just too much for him!

Now that the Ace of Geeks is firmly back within my control, I’ll be rolling back the changes on the site(s). Man, it sure is silly that we have two sites that you have to go back and forth between. If only there was a way to combine them into a simple, easy to use interface where all of the Ace of Geeks content could live. That would be such a dream.

Hey, unrelated note: Our 150th episode of the Ace of Geeks Podcast is coming soon.

Anyway, thanks to everybody who supported us in our delicious, delicious war. I’m off to eat some Potluck, but first I leave you with this thought:

Who did put the Bop in the Bop-Shu-Bop-Shu-Bop? They never answer that in the song.

UPDATE: As you may have guessed, this was part of our April Fool’s silliness yesterday. Go check out the rest of the story here:

Part One!
Part Two!
Part Three!
Part Four!
Part Five!
Part Six!
Part Seven!
Part Eight! (You Are Here)

Dying Words from the Toppling Feta Tower

All Citizen-Writers and Citizen-Readers are to heed this last dictum from the Editor-In-Chief.

Hours ago I, your Editor in Chief Jarys, marched in here as the Victor in a war with grim invaders. Though I shared their heritage, that of the enlightened minds of Athens and mighty warriors of Sparta, I was so loyal as to be able to walk among them without ever changing loyalties. Like the Roman Caesar, my heart was with my home, The Ace of Greeks. But, also like Caesar, I answered a call.. A call given to me by the populist lovers of Greek food, a call unheeded by the elitist Potluckers.

I answered the call to Unify this website, to unify us under one success, one vision, one lunch food provider, one Dictum. As I had defeated the Ace of Greeks, I, like the undefeatable Heracles, took the pelt of my lion and wore it, taking the Ace of Greeks name and their food truck. This painted me even more the unpopular usurper to the Elitist Potluckers. Their jealousy and thirst for chaos grew like a sickness. And that sickness has felled this great podcast and blog.

They won, but I’m not here to lament my own defeat. I’m here to lament the defeat…of unity.

Unity is togetherness, Unity is success and failure of the individual relying on the success and failure of the group. Unity is obedience to one set of values, one Editor in Chief.  Unity is all writers and all workers joining hands at the break table to eat lunch together, the same lunch, provided free by the Management, forever.

Unity is being paid for hard work. Paid for well written articles. Paid from the war-horde I have brought back from the Greek food truck business. I’d explain the legal precedence for that, but it’s very complicated. And I’ve just learned that I don’t really know complicated legal things. Consider it my Achilles heel. But enough about me….

Unity is a Golem of many parts, made by all hands, and pushed to the singular purpose of enforcing happiness and joy for better staff productivity….actually, “Unity” would have been a better name for that Golem. “Shmucky” is a poor reference to Yiddish culture, it’s kinda..disempowering. That doesn’t matter now. What matters is that now we fall. We fall together.

No?

Hold on, I’m being told that I’m the only one who is going to experience a downgrade in fortune. What do you mean, you’re going to fire me?…..Oh, well, since I’m still Editor-in- OH COME ON!
Back to the writing floor??? After what I just pulled, they’ll eat me ali- Oh you’re all full from Pita and Putluck Sushi? Ha ha, ok, Fine. No, I’m almost done anyway. I- am- almost- GAH give that back!

Thank you.

I suppose, loyal subje-fellow Ace of Gree-Ace of Geeks, excuse me. I suppose this is goodbye. We had a good run. I hope you enjoyed your paychecks, which were ProRated for the few hours of work you accomplished while I was in charge. So…don’t spend it all in one place. Ok, Ok, I’m going, I’m going.Sheesh!

*grumbles*I just wanted to help out more around here.  I didn’t even get to try the pita…

UPDATE: As you may have guessed, this was part of our April Fool’s silliness yesterday. Go check out the rest of the story here:

Part One!
Part Two!
Part Three!
Part Four!
Part Five!
Part Six!
Part Seven! (You Are Here)
Part Eight!

The Geeks Are Going To War! (or: The Last March of the Geeks)

I’m writing this in a maintenance closet… I hope it gets out… I hope I’m not too late…

Jarys came back from his mission and immediately called a meeting in the middle of the Editor’s room. We all gathered there, and they made a very rousing speech about how we needed to band together and strike the keys hard and fast to spread the word – The Ace of Geeks is now under new management! He changed the name of the blog to “The Ace of Greeks,” with Mike’s full support! I couldn’t believe it! What the hell was going on?

Jarys waved a bunch of papers and said that they are now in charge, and we need to buckle down if we expect to get paid. More news about the latest gadgets and gizmos, more dice rolling, more topics in discussion on the audio podcasts. Tighter deadlines and everything has to pass his desk before being published or posted on the podcast. Then they said it – “BETTER CONTENT, GODDAMMIT – THERE WILL BE TOPIC ASSIGNMENTS DAILY!”

Cheers went up from the Greek food truck freeloaders, and the Rebel Potluckers all dashed back to the break room. We locked the door, and barricaded it with the Xerox machine. People started asking what the next step was – clearly, we were going to war.

Doris from the mail room (good ol’ granny Doris, bless her heart) was looking at the whiteboard while she ate some sashimi. She insisted that we go forward with our plans to convert the food truck into a taco truck, and everyone agreed.

Norman from the audio room went up to the whiteboard and continued outlining his plan for us all. Then he gave squad assignments – Tony, Ross and Aurelio from Motor-pool were to set their shop up for the quick conversion. Clarice from the Art department was to get her crew and start designing the paint job for the truck. Our courier Ansel was to go steal the truck and bring it back here through the back garage entrance. The cafeteria workers said they would staff the taco truck when it was ready.

My job was to go and try to shut Jarys down once and for all – this crap was getting out of hand, and we were running out of mashed potatoes. So while everyone else went to their assigned stations and began their missions, I peeked out the narrow window of the break room door.

I was startled when a golem popped up and peered back at me. “Hi! My name’s Schmucky – wanna play?” it said. I got chills. I now understood exactly what had to happen. I moved the Xerox machine, opened the door, and yanked Schmucky in. I got help to set the barricade up again, and I grabbed two of the other bloggers – Derek and Ruby – who didn’t have assignments yet. I told them to stay with me and follow my lead.

We took Schmucky out the back door, and took the hall out to the elevator lobby. “Now, listen up, you schmuck -” “My Name’s Schmucky! Wanna play?” Ruby glared at Schmucky. I sighed, and continued. “Look, golem – if you wanna play, you need to work with us. Understand?” The golem nodded. “Good. you’re gonna love this game…” I sent Schmucky in to the Editing room, and we watched as Schmucky carried out the instructions I gave him. He jumped on Jarys’ back, and gleefully shouted “Yay! Schmucky WINS!”

All hell broke loose as Jarys tried to get Schmucky off their back. Mike dodged the flying pitas, and we ran into the Editing room. Ruby snatched the documents out of Jarys’ hand, and ran back to the break room with Derek and myself following her quickly, covering our retreat.

Back in the break room, we handed the documents over to Frenchy from Legal. “Can they do this?!” I asked. I was mad! Goddammit, I wanted my burgers and tacos back. I mean, getting paid is nice, but money isn’t everything. And I certainly didn’t like the idea of not getting to pick my own topic. Frenchy read through the documents. “Well… it seems pretty straightforward – yes, they can do this.. Wait! I found a loophole!”

We all waited with bated breath as Frenchy looked some more. Then he announced,”Yes! It can be done.” He whipped out his cell phone, and made a call to his personal contracts attorney, and they spoke for a few minutes. When he ended the call, he made a note on the top sheet of the documentation and handed it to me. “Go to that address, and talk to my guy. He’ll help. He has to… He’s our only hope…”

I ran down the back hall to the elevator lobby and hit the “down” button. While I was waiting, I peeked around  a corner to see if anyone else was coming. I could see the AoG circulation desk clearly, and Lina was sitting there. She looked up and saw me. She got up and yelled, “One’s getting away!” The elevator chimed and the doors whooshed open. I got in, and mashed the “door close” button for all I was worth. The doors closed, and I hit the “G” button. When the elevator got me to the ground floor, I bolted out of the building. I ran like a bat out of hell for two blocks to the address that Frenchy had given me.

When I entered the offices of Dante Randall Esquire, I went to the reception desk. “Quick! I have an appointment! Which way?” The receptionist started checking her book. “Name?” “No time! Which way?” I yelled. She started to say something about I can’t go in without a confirmed appointment, but the phone rang. She answered it, and I sped off down the hall. “That would have been a stupid conversation anyway,” I muttered as I looked for the attorney’s office. I found it and barged in.

A big man in a small suit was sitting at an over-sized desk. I babbled at him – “Frenchy sent me – you’re here to rescue us!” He blinked. “You’re a little… short… for a blogger, aren’t you? Nevermind. Frenchy told me what you need.” He pulled out some paperwork form a drawer, and handed it to me. Getting up, he said “I’ll come with you to back you up. We will need to get both Jarys AND Mike’s signatures on these if Mike decides that he really does want things back how they were.” I was dumbfounded. Now we would have to convince Mike that he needed to come over to the potlucker’s table. Okaaay. No problem…

We walked back to the Ace of Geeks office building, took the freight elevator up, and went to the break room. I told the cafeteria staff to get down to Motor-pool and set up the truck as soon as it was ready. I asked Doris to go take a plate of sashimi (somehow they had managed to procure some VERY fresh ahi) prepared for Mike. She sliced that fish like nobody’s business.

The attorney and I moved the Xerox machine. I looked around the room, and sighed. “If we don’t come back, keep going forward with the plan!” We took Doris by the arms, and led her into the Editing room. We sent her to Mike with the plate of fresh sashimi. The attorney and I walked behind her. When he took the plate from Doris, I told him “We want you to know something…” The attorney explained about the loophole in the legal arrangements Jarys had made.

“Mike, they’re trying to do a hostile takeover and cut you out. I don’t care WHAT they promised you, you need to look at this!” Mike stood up and followed us back to the break room, plate in hand. He perused the documents that Jarys had drawn up, and got miffed. He shook his head. ” No… NOOOOO!” The attorney handed Mike the new documents, and then he pulled something else out of his briefcase – a new set of documents requiring only one signature – Mike’s. “With these, you can block this take-over AND have a taco truck.”

“Tacos? Cool cool!” Mike looked over everything, and asked Frenchy to take a look. Frenchy concurred that it would be in the blog’s best interests. Mike signed the documents, and we breathed a sigh of relief. Now it was time to take the blog back. I collected the documentation and grabbed the lawyer, and went to confront Jarys.

As we entered the room, we were met with stares and mutterings. People guarded their Greek salads. I walked up to Jarys’ desk, and I looked them in the eye. “You can’t do this. We want our freakin’ tacos, dammit!”

A loud ruckus was heard from the street outside, and a nicely painted taco truck pulled up. The cafeteria staff inside started slinging tacos, burritos and enchilada plates at all comers. Jarys went to the window. “You think you can block me this easily, girl? Try again,” they said with a sneer as they lobbed a typo-ridden article draft at me. “Fix THIS!”

I snatched it out of mid-air, and quickly looked it over. I went to a computer, edited it, and printed it. “Done. We WILL have our tacos.” I waved my hand, and people started running out to the taco truck, leaving their gyros and salads behind. I showed Jarys the paperwork blocking their take-over. “You weren’t very thorough in your legal planning, Jarys. We found a loophole. The blog is ours!” Jarys spat some legal babblication at me, but the attorney neatly deflected it with an addendum. “Jarys, you have no legal leg to stand on. Your Greek food truck is closed! And your days as tyrant are OVER!” I grabbed a pen. Stuffing it into their clenched fist, I forced them to sign the addendum. I jumped up on his desk and faced the bloggers left in the room. “We still work for Mike – and for free, but at least we have TACOS!”

I handed the paperwork to the attorney, and he dashed off to get it filed. Jarys attempted to follow, but I shut the door in their face and ran for the maintenance closet. Now we wait for the filing. I left Doris in there… I hope she’s alright…

UPDATE: As you may have guessed, this was part of our April Fool’s silliness yesterday. Go check out the rest of the story here:

Part One!
Part Two!
Part Three!
Part Four!
Part Five!
Part Six! (You Are Here)
Part Seven!
Part Eight!

Words from the Home Front

It smells like dolmas here.

It all happened so suddenly, with such overwhelming activity, that I scarcely recall a day without the thumb of our lamb-trimming overlords held firmly upon our throats.  Our office was occupied in the scant time it took a strange cease-and-desist letter to turn into complete conquest of our humble blog and podcast.

Hmm? What’s that?

MalKontent says it’s only been a few hours.  I don’t believe him.  I don’t for a second.  The droop in his tails tells me more about our captivity than any words ever can.

I’ve been fighting to keep my spirits up.  I’ve been made to do all sorts of heinous acts since the violent change in leadership.  Check out this awesome baklava shaped like Serenity.  Square Enix announces they’ll be adding fully-articulated yogurt to Final Fantasy XV, because it was easier to animate than women in real clothes.  28 Scenes in Star Wars that would have been improved with moussaka.  John Barrowman eating a gyro will blow your mind, and you won’t believe what he does next.

I’m starting to become numb with terrible clickbait headlines, and the memory of what it was like to write upstanding pieces about geek culture seems ever farther, farther away.

It always smells like dolmas here.

I haven’t seen Jarys in forever.  They seemed like the only chance we had of shaking off this yoke, of turning the tables on our clever corporate food truck oppressors.  I ducked into a hasty, clandestine meeting late after writing another “My Little Pony set to include Twilight Souvlaki in upcoming season” article and saw them in a poignant, fraternal sort of embrace with a certain gravity that made the loukaniko I’d been force-fed for lunch drop into the pit of my stomach.

I haven’t seen Jarys since then.  I don’t know what to think.

The rest of us move in a daze between assignments, never knowing what terrible headline or edict or lunch menu will be handed down next.  I don’t know where my next meal is coming from…but I always seem to know its country of origin.  The office seems a stark shade of black and white, as though all the glorious colors of the Power Rangers figures on Mike’s desk have faded from my vision.

I think I heard Mark and Thomas say they planned to sneak out and return with food.  Food without tzatziki or tahini.  I wish them fortune.

I’m far too scared to try it myself.

It always smells like dolmas here.

UPDATE: As you may have guessed, this was part of our April Fool’s silliness yesterday. Go check out the rest of the story here:

Part One!
Part Two!
Part Three!
Part Four!
Part Five! (You Are Here)
Part Six!
Part Seven!
Part Eight!

Update: Agent in the Field

There’s been a bit of buzz in the Ace of Geeks break room about one of the editors going undercover inside the food truck. From what I’ve gathered, the mission is to take over the food truck and put an end to what some have been calling “the Souvlaki Invasion.”

There have been reports coming in of disturbances across town. According to our correspondents and eyewitnesses at that scene, they say a war has erupted with Greek mayo-based sauces and dessert foods flying everywhere. People have been taking shelter in city parking garages and local Starbucks coffee shops.

Back here at the Ace of Geeks break room, I’ve noticed that the crowd around the potluck table has grown a bit. The line at the slow-cooker of chili is getting longer, and more food has appeared on the table – cookies, cakes, and pies along with liter bottles and six-packs of soda, as well as Chinese and Cajun dishes.

There appears to have been a chain of command established, as well – those in charge of the hot dishes are serving, and a whiteboard has appeared on the wall, with a map of the city tacked up to it. I recognized one of the staffers from the line at the food truck, and asked what made him come to the potluck instead. He said that he was sick of Baklava and wanted Lo Mein – “The soy sauce is strong with this one,” he told me.

One blogger is at the whiteboard, outlining the plan to take down the food truck. It seems to involve converting it into a taco truck. A lot of people have expressed interest in this plan, with some bloggers offering their skills in mechanics and body work.Their main focus right now seems to be waiting for word from the operative in the field, and planning their attack strategy.

An announcement just came over the PA that the rebellion’s mole has done his damage and is returning to base – we’ll have more on that as it becomes available.

UPDATE: As you may have guessed, this was part of our April Fool’s silliness yesterday. Go check out the rest of the story here:

Part One!
Part Two!
Part Three!
Part Four! (You Are Here)
Part Five!
Part Six!
Part Seven!
Part Eight!